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The secret to having a long-lasting romantic relationship is to be mutually good and true to one another. Recognize your role in the relationship and be committed to it. You have to be openly vulnerable to your other half as you’re vulnerable to yourself. Ever wondered why you couldn’t maintain a relationship for at least a year? If you find yourself always getting into a new relationship, it would either be you’re not ready to be in one or you’re choosing the wrong person for you.
Now that you’ve read the outward manifestations that show you’re the toxic one in your relationship, it’s time you get to learn how to keep your relationship strong and healthy in spite of the internal and external noises that surround it.
9 THINGS TO MAKE YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP THE LAST ONE:
TELL THE TRUTH ALWAYS
Girls, I get it. The “I want him to realize his mistake” card is in our blood. You want to give him time to reflect on his actions and somehow naturally change his ways without our input. You want to not have to always tell him about his actions because he should’ve noticed that earlier. I suggest you stop doing that; you’re just wasting your energy and time. The truth is, sometimes, men know when they’re wrong.
If they really knew you, they would notice it the second you give him the silent treatment or when you act differently. But sometimes, they can be truly naïve, selfish, and insensitive (and we, girls, are no exemption). It’s better to confront the problem right away before it worsens. The best thing to do is to tell him straight to his face what he did to make you upset. Waiting for him to recognize his error will not only prolong your resentment, but will also feed your ego.
Telling him what he did wrong will solve the problem quickly and save you the bad mood (and the wrinkles). It will mitigate future problems; thus, telling the truth always will give you more time through the day to make peace with him. Isn’t that better than holding a grudge and bring it up whenever it favors you? Do yourself a favor and don’t make it a habit to let him play the “what made you upset” game. It’s not worth it.
ASK SERIOUS QUESTIONS AND ANSWER THEM HONESTLY
First-date questions like “what’s your favorite color?” or “what do you usually do in your free time?” shouldn’t be the only things you ask your partner. You should be asking deep, serious questions that can either make or break your relationship. It’s normal to feel nervous about what your partner thinks of a certain issue that you might disagree with; at least you knew that’s something you should iron out with him.
Hearing what your partner thinks about some of these deal-breaker questions can give you more or less insight into what he really is and if you really work with one another. There are so many relationships who suddenly break up because they were discouraged, insulted, or offended by their partner’s beliefs about controversial taboos. Don’t wait until you hop into the next level of your relationship to ask him these questions.
Knowing his side can either give you the greatest blessing in the world or save you from your biggest heartbreak. How much do you really know your partner? Would you be willing to stick with him if you found out he supported someone you hated? How do you deal with your difference of opinion? Answer these questions as honestly as possible while it’s still early. By doing this, you’ll know where to position yourself and how to base your decisions as a couple.
FIX PROBLEMS RIGHT AWAY
Although problems can be a pain, you can’t deny its invaluable opportunity for your relationship growth. If you want to make your current relationship the last one, learn how to troubleshoot the problems that you usually have and find a way to settle it. Don’t let these problems sour your day; they can bottle up inside you if deliberately ignored.
If it’s not that much of a big deal, don’t give it the power to ruin and erase the memories that you and your partner have created. If you think you did something wrong, accept your fault and talk to your partner wholeheartedly. Ask for a sincere apology and acknowledge your mistake with a course of action to improve on yourself. Communicate everything you feel and respect the other’s opinion. Give your partner a chance to explain himself too so you’ll know how he feels. It’s much better to sleep at night with someone to cuddle with rather than to sleep with a heavy heart.
DON’T LET OTHER PEOPLE INFILTRATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
If you want your relationship to last, stop letting people resolve issues in a relationship they’re not in. This isn’t high school fling anymore where you can ask your friends to cover up for you when you’re too mad to talk to him upfront. If you think like this, you’re too immature to be in a relationship. Sadly, this happens to a lot of romantic relationships. Some couples don’t know or don’t want to draw boundaries between their relationship and their friendships. Always keep in mind that as a couple, it is your responsibility to resolve your issues without necessarily having to involve other people.
Unless the problems involve domestic violence and the likes, it’s better not to disclose them to your friends right away. Having more than two minds and mouths talking about a problem will only cause unnecessary drama. Besides, it shows you don’t trust your capability to make decisions because you insist other people to make them for you. That’s not exactly a good quality to have.
If you do decide to tell your friends, chances are, they wouldn’t move on so easily and may even hold a grudge to your partner (even when they don’t know the whole story). They will remember it and bring it up occasionally which doesn’t do any good. This will place your relationship in an uncomfortable position.
It’s important to set limits of privacy because your friends don’t need to know everything that happens in your relationship. They just don’t have to and you shouldn’t let them. Respect the secrets you tell to your partner and vice versa. Your friends don’t speak on behalf of you, no matter how close you are.
NEVER ALLOW EGO TO WIN
It’s completely understandable to distance yourself when you’re right in an argument; for one, it could be you’ve been explaining your side for hours (and maybe for a short time you deserve to gloat and play the victim card) or two, you want him to chase you and make him realize his mistake. However, please don’t take advantage of the leverage too much.
Don’t prolong your partner’s agony just because you have the advantage. Don’t go to extreme lengths just to prove a point. It’s not worth fluffing your ego. So what if you were right? So what if you told him so? So what if he was too stubborn not to listen you? Remember that you get mistakes and shortcomings too. Remember that you can also fail to meet his needs.
Remember that in just a switch of a finger, tables can turn. Would you want the same treatment? It can be tiring to constantly console someone who doesn’t even feel sorry for his mistakes. Perpetuating this cycle will only lead to revenge and eventually, more serious arguments.
DON’T KEEP RECORDS OF PAST DOINGS
Whenever you lay eyes on your partner, you should be seeing the man that he is, and not the man that he once was. His presence should remind you of the love you’ve grown and not his sins. Always bringing up the past doesn’t do good to anybody including yourself. By reliving his past shortcomings, what you’re doing is creating a barrier between you and your partner until trust will be as brittle as paper; it wouldn’t be able to tie you both together anymore.
As a result, it will be harder to resolve conflicts because you’re now being controlled by your inhibitions and fears (i.e., what if he does the same thing to me again?) How would you feel if you were constantly reminded of the mistakes you’ve done before? That frustration you feel when you’re always reminded of your past to the point like it defines your whole being; it’s not a good feeling. This is why forgiveness is one of the pillars of any healthy and strong relationship.
Forgiveness to all his shortcomings and realizing you’re no less of a sinner than he is. You’ll know you’ve forgiven his actions if you no longer feel the pain you used to feel before. Instead of making you cry before, it will make you feel good now. You’ll have learned and moved on with your partner by your side. That’s the best feelings in the world; it’s one of those times when you feel inner peace resonate.
APPRECIATE YOUR PARTNER
Like any other human being, your partner needs to feel a sense of appreciation. Out of everybody, he would most likely expect it to hear from you. Appreciating someone could go a long way as it makes him feel good and value who he is. A simple form of appreciation can enable him to do best in whatever he does, and can even brighten his mood during those bad days. One way to strengthen and sustain the momentum of your relationship is to constantly give him praise and recognition, to make him feel valued and important. It can range from a simple “You look good today” to “I’m blessed to have you in my life.”
You can also compliment his dedication to his work and to your plans together. Tell him you care for him especially if he doesn’t ask for it. Whenever he does something for you completely out of the blue, be sure to be vocal about how he makes you feel or even a kiss on the lips would suffice. If you want, a meaningful gift can be a symbol of your appreciation (although be careful to not solely rely on material things). You can even reward him with something far more intimate than that.
Some relationships stop appreciating their partners, thinking the sweet exchanges are only for new couples. That shouldn’t be the case because all human beings yearn for recognition, especially from those whom they consider as important people in their lives. Sometimes a loved one’s tight hugs are what we need, especially at these trying times that painstakingly remind us of the value of family and human connection. But also remember to put limits and try not to exaggerate your praises especially when his actions don’t call for praises but rather for correction; otherwise, he’ll more likely to interpret it the wrong way.
DON’T TOLERATE BAD BEHAVIOR
When your boyfriend does something unpleasant out of the ordinary, correct him right away. Tell him how his actions makes you feel and be straightforward about the consequences if he continues that attitude. Never tolerate what makes you feel uncomfortable. Never ignore signs of a grave attitude change. The more you give him the pass, the more likely you resent these actions more and it will just bottle up inside you.
On the other hand, he would continue doing them, thinking he didn’t do anything wrong. Cutting him off immediately is a different story; it’s not admirable in any way. Don’t block him with that high wall of yours that you mistake for protection when all it’s made of is ego. As his partner, correct him with honesty and humility because that’s what he needs. You don’t leave him right away; that’s not how a healthy relationship works.
Until he realizes he made a mistake, you can never force him to change. It has to come from him, and it’s much better if you’re there to witness the change. Bad behavior or habit can happen to anyone at any time, and you should be humble enough not to leave him at his weakest. That’s where a true relationship is tested, during the ugly parts.
LOVE HIM ON GOOD AND BAD DAYS
All relationships go through rough patches. We’re all tested by life’s obstacles and for that, we need to fortify our integrity and wisdom to beat them. Most relationships get out of them together, while some get out of them apart. What was once a happy, seemingly perfect relationship of two people who swore to love one another turned into a spineless, toxic link shared by two strangers.
One cause of this is their inability to actualize their vows in the name of true love. Until now, people often misconstrue the real meaning of love and overlook how this flawed perspective impacts the future of their relationship. Some people think feelings are the sole determinant of a successful relationship, and the premise itself speaks about the immaturity of both of them.
Rightfully so, feelings play a huge role in a romantic relationship but are not and shouldn’t be a determining factor of a lasting relationship. As the old saying goes, “Love conquers all,” and I believe in that statement with all my heart. Love means choosing to be with the person despite the constant change of your feelings. Love means learning everything about your partner (even if you think you know him too well) and accepting the very ugly parts of him.
Love means continuous forgiveness to yourself and to your partner when things go out of hand. Love involves compromising and giving without getting something in return. It requires sacrifice, patience, and humility to understand him even when your ego is bruised. True love means choosing to do right by him even in his absence. True love means caring for him even you’re on the brink of exploding because he broke your makeup palette. True love prevails in the hardest situations. You don’t love somebody only when it’s convenient or when the stars are shining; you love him even when it’s uncomfortable and even when the stars have lost their shine.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”Lao Tzu