Photo by Pixabay from Pexels
In your twenties, you’ll experience way worse than you have in high school. You’ll be attacked by lots of different people; most of them you don’t even know. Many people will want to delay you from succeeding as much as they can. Many people will distort your vision and make you feel unworthy or too ambitious of your dreams.
Have you ever wondered why you don’t attract people with your heart?
Have you wondered if they only like you because of what you do for them and nothing more?
Why do they trust the other more than you?
Why don’t they tell their secrets to you; and if they do, why are you the last one to know?
YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
Unless you’re in a controlling environment where being liked is necessary to do your job, like in the entertainment industry or in the tight business competition, you don’t have to make people like you. Whether they like you or not should be none of your business because it has nothing to do with you. Some people just appeal better to you and some don’t but that doesn’t necessarily reflect on what’s inside them but rather what’s inside you.
Have you ever thought about if people like you? And if they did, have you thought of the reasons why do or why they don’t? Why is the need to be liked so important to you? Is it that important? Have you made up stories in your head to answer your questions?
You don’t have to change the tone of your voice or the manner you speak to please someone else. And you most certainly don’t need to adjust your confidence the way that doesn’t threaten or make them insecure about themselves. Let them think what they want to think, but stay utterly yourself (because there’s no one else you can be).
11 REASONS NO ONE LIKES YOU:
YOU RECEIVE MORE THAN YOU GIVE
You’re the type of person who has a massive amount of self-entitlement who expects to be prioritized all the time. You continually ask a lot of favors from your peers and workmates but don’t return them even when you can. If you’re in a position where you’re obligated to give something, you get out of it through your senseless excuses. If you do finally give something, you do it only after being told by other people and you’re not doing it out of the goodness of your heart.
You’re not generous of your time and service because you consider everything a transaction. You take note and measure the degree of goodness of action so you can manipulate other people’s feelings. People don’t like you because you’re unfair and unkind. You aim to be the most powerful in your circle by taking the value of their resources and making them fully committed to serving your plans and well-being.
YOU’RE FAKE AND INSECURE
You’re not only two-faced but also drag everyone else to hate on someone. You have shady intentions when interacting with someone and most of the time you’re expecting to be given something at the end of the day. You don’t give someone a chance to prove or explain himself when he’s done you wrong because you consider yourself as someone who doesn’t make mistakes.
People don’t like you because you create an image that makes you seem like you’re a magnet of goodness and positivity when in reality, you reek of people-pleasing. You’re practicing every day to be good at it. You hate on everything they do but you do it secretly so they won’t notice that you’re bothered by their successes. Every day, you make it a goal to grab people’s attention no matter how drastic it may be.
YOU HAVE A REALLY HUGE EGO
Frankly, you have a narcissistic personality. You can’t spend a minute without dragging your name to every conversation even when it’s irrelevant. You can’t help but compare yourself with others and make you the better person You make it all about you. In the middle of an argument, you don’t acknowledge your mistake and even pass the blame on other people. You don’t want your image to be stained when you’re the only one who’s making it dirty. Not only do you brag about everything praise-worthy that’s going on in your life, but you also belittle the possessions and events of other people.
YOU CRITICIZE EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE
You tend to find the wrong in the plans of other people. You know exactly how to ruin someone else’s day. People don’t like you because you love to criticize everything they do, ranging from simple things like their outfits to serious ones like your performance on the task. You rain on everyone’s parade like you were paid to do it. You act as if you’re a god who expects everybody to please and follow you by micromanaging them. You manipulate the actions of others to your favor. Underneath all that know-it-all façade, you criticize because you’re afraid, jealous, or egotistical. You give unsolicited criticism because you want to fuel these three enemies and you pretend that you don’t feel hurt when nobody likes you when it’s clear that you do.
YOU’RE TOO DEPENDENT AND NEEDY
Even your parents draw boundaries with your neediness because you have to independent for you to survive. You need someone to be with you everywhere you go to do petty things like standing in a queue or asking the waiter for extra catsup. You have to understand that other people have their lives to deal with, and they can’t be with you all the time. They can’t continually sacrifice their valuable time to assist you in your errands. If you force or bribe them to come with you, you’re manipulating friendship to happen which is unlikely because the root of it all isn’t sincere. They may go with you but not because they want to help you but because of monetary gain.
YOU DON’T KEEP YOUR PROMISES
You make appointments or meet-ups with others and don’t stick to the time. Be careful of what you promise and don’t make promises when you’re overwhelmed by your emotions, whether it’s happiness, sadness, or pity. Your word means nothing. Some psychologists say the reason why most people do this is because of hidden self-entitlement. You think you’re too important to be left behind or ignored, that’s why you don’t honor and respect their time.
You think they need you and they can’t do anything without your help, that’s why they have to adjust to all the inconveniences and interruptions that you cause. This is a valid reason why people may not like you because you take for granted their patience and understanding and take advantage of their kindness. You undermine the value of promises and waste their time which they could’ve spent for something more useful.
YOU’RE A BAD INFLUENCE
Not only do you live an unhealthy, dangerous, unethical lifestyle and brag about it, but you also encourage everyone around you to do the same by highlighting the “perks” and hiding the “disadvantages.” Maybe the reason people don’t like you is that you’re a bad influence on them and their families. You don’t correct people when they’re wrong because you want them to be just like you — led to the wrong path. People don’t like you because your presence brings harm to their lives, and you’re not even the slightest bit concerned about what may happen to them. You want to drag as many people as you can down to your rabbit hole so they’ll have the same fate as you.
There’s nothing wrong with being yourself, but most of the time, you’re not always right. There’s a thin line between being yourself and being close-minded. One way or another, you need to be accepting of society’s differences but you don’t have to change your own. You just simply have to be open that there are people who contradict your beliefs and you can’t have all of them wrapped around your finger. You judge other people’s actions and preach your principles arrogantly and think you’re better than them. You uphold your moral values in a manner that undermines their judgment of right or wrong and it insults them.
YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER’S FEELINGS
Whenever you say or do something, you do so without little to no respect for what the other may feel. You talk about how happy you are with your boyfriend at the funeral of your friend’s dad. You brag about how big your score on the exam in front of someone who failed. You complain about how hard your life is because McDonald’s menu is incomplete with someone who just lost his job. You know your remarks hurt them but you continue to say it anyway.
All you care about is how your feelings are expressed even when it hurts other people. In defense, you play the victim and make it seem like your feelings are invalidated when the truth is, you just don’t know how to shut your mouth until it’s the right time to open it. You’re ignorant when it comes to minding your audience and their current situation when you’re talking.
YOUR HEART IS FULL OF ANGER
Broken families? Grief? Abused past? Complicated heartbreak? These are some of the many tragedies that life throws at us. They can mark a severe wound in our heart, and some of us may not be able to recover. You allowed life’s challenges to harden your heart. The worst part is, you’re not doing anything about it.
Instead of looking for ways to heal your scars and start anew, you’re accepting that you’re a cursed mess wandering on the earth. You’re carrying that hatred and resentment at the world, and you’re spreading it to those around you. You expect them to understand you always even if you insult them for no reason (because you had a more miserable life than them).
People don’t like you because you’re not taking accountability for what you can control. There’s nothing you can do about the past and what you’ve suffered. It’s sad, but unfortunately, not everybody is going to be sorry for you for too long; and that doesn’t make you any less excused for being a bitch.
LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF
All these reasons are not entirely your fault. Possibly, you’re the way you are because somebody made you that way. You blame someone else for your toxicity, and that’s a valid explanation. But you can’t use that reason all the time for the rest of your life. One way or another, you need to start making your own decisions and be accountable for them. Perhaps the real reason you’re ought to believe no one likes you is because you don’t like yourself in the first place. You keep thinking you don’t deserve to be liked by other people because you can’t give validation and appreciation to yourself. This makes you desperate for other people to fill in fake love to compensate the emptiness inside your heart.
Forgive yourself and the people who hurt you. They may not deserve it but you deserve the peace you’re desperately seeking from others. It’s time you finally accept that you’re a product of other’s pain but it doesn’t mean you get to stay that way. If you want peace to reign wherever you go, you need to eliminate the pain inside your heart first. Meditate and pray to find your soul, because these are only the things you can do for now.
“We’ve become conditioned to compromise and shrink ourselves in order to be liked. The problem is, when you work so hard to get everyone to like you, you very often end up not liking yourself so much.”Reshma Saujani, Brave, Not Perfect: Fear Less, Fail More and Live Bolder