Photo by Brooke Cagle from Unsplash
To those of you who had never been in a relationship or also known as NBSB (no boyfriend since birth), you may probably have ridiculous myths about what happens in a romantic relationship. People love to make up silly assumptions about what a romantic relationship should look like, and it’s even sillier when other people hop on these ideas. On the flipside, these assumptions can be dangerous when taken too seriously, and your decisions can be easily influenced by them.
15 WILDEST MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP:
IT’S GOING TO BE EASY
Being in a relationship with someone is never smooth-sailing, most especially in the beginning (after all that best foot forward act). Whatever it is that deals with human interaction, it’s never simple. Just because it’s a relationship composed of two good individuals, doesn’t mean both of them are going to have it easy. Every relationship faces arguments and disagreements every now and then, no matter how in sync you think they are.
Like any other relationship, it needs constant understanding and patience from both parties to achieve the desired goal of mutual agreement. The process isn’t going to be pretty; that’s just the way it is. Everybody always wants his/her needs to be met first (and thinks he/she deserves more compromise than the other) and that’s normal for a person to think that way because we’re wired by instinct to cater to our self-interest needs first.
DOES NOT REQUIRE SACRIFICE
As I said, all relationships require sacrifice and compromise. Contrary to popular belief, the amount of sacrifice is never 50/50 (no matter how much you try to make it equal). Your level of compromise should be dependent on the person and the situation. We have different strengths and weaknesses and these either make or break the relationship, so that should be considered as well. You fill in the gaps of the other person. No relationship would flourish without these two acts combined together.
A real relationship takes commitment from two people to love each other despite the aggravating circumstances. If one were to commit to a relationship without sacrificing his time, effort, daily routine, and more, how will he make room for the other and vice versa? If you always get your way without considering the situation of your partner, how will you manage to get through the thick and thin?
YOU MUST HAVE MANY THINGS IN COMMON
Being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you love and hate the same things exactly the same way. You don’t have to agree to everything on the same level or the same type of way. Of course, you’re still two individual people with personal interests. You don’t have to adjust them to match your partner’s. Having alike interests and principles can be a strong suit and asset in your relationship but if you intentionally follow your partner’s, it’s like another way of saying you don’t have an independent voice in your relationship.
SEX IS THE GLUE TO EVERY RELATIONSHIP
With regards to having sex or not, that depends on the couple’s decision. It’s not a basis of everlastingness nor is it a sole determinant of the sincerity of a relationship. Sex and intimacy are often interchanged, but they are hardly the same thing. Just because you know a couple who’s been together for over 12 years, that doesn’t necessarily mean sex was the reason of such a blissful relationship.
It may be a part, but it doesn’t have to be the glue that binds the two people together and held on to each other for so long. If sex is the only intent you have in a relationship, then don’t bother getting into one and don’t expect it’s going to last. Save your future partner the heart break and tortured past, so don’t involve other people in your messed-up sexual fantasies in disguise for love.
YOUR PARTNER IS A MIND READER
You may know a lot more about your partner than anyone else, but you won’t know everything there is to know about him and vice versa. Your boyfriend won’t always know what makes you angry and what you want to eat every day. Sure, as your relationship strengthens, you start to finish off each other’s sentences or order the other’s favorite food on the menu of your go-to fast-food chain, but that’s not all there is. You still need to show how you feel and tell how you want to be treated frankly to avoid mixed signals.
YOU HAVE TO CONTROL YOUR PARTNER
You don’t have to control your partner because you’re dating an equal and not a child who needs to be told what to do. You shouldn’t have to tell him what to do and when to do it unless he tells you to remind him. It’s exhausting to be always looking after your partner’s actions and evaluating how you should react to them. Let them do what he wants because love shouldn’t be restricting.
In freedom, you’ll see the truth.
To be in a successful, solid relationship, you must be in mutual agreement with your partner without any form of manipulation. If you have to dictate your partner’s actions, then maybe he/she isn’t the one for you.
YOU MUST BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME
Along with the growth of your relationship is understanding that happiness is not always a good thing. Being happy can also reflect your naivety and unconcerned about your relationship’s status and progress. It can also mean you’re purposely not troubleshooting hidden, underlying issues in your relationship because you don’t want to fight or to have to go through another bad day. Everybody has good and bad days, and the same thing happens to relationships.
PRIVACY MEANS A BAD RELATIONSHIP
Some people assume if a couple doesn’t post much online, they have nothing to be proud of or they have secrets to hide. Choosing to have a lowkey relationship is one of the best decisions you can make as a couple. People have this habit of gossiping over other relationships and pointing out their flaws, so choosing to be private is completely understandable. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have a bad or toxic relationship; it can mean the total opposite. What they don’t know, they can’t destroy.
LENGTH DETERMINES SUCCESS
The length of a relationship doesn’t guarantee happiness and prosperity (in terms of the couple’s goals). Even those who are together for over a decade break up in their eleventh year for underlying reasons they’ve been keeping as secrets for so long. And there are also instances when two people who have been together for over two years turned out to be the right match for each other. Length may determine how much you’ve been through but it can never fully encapsulate the amount of love in a relationship.
HAVING INDIVIDUAL GOALS MEANS SELFISHNESS
Having individual goals is not selfish; it’s empowering. If you truly love your partner and support his dreams, labeling him as selfish shouldn’t cross your mind. It’s not self-centered to chase after your dreams as long as you see your partner celebrating with you along the way. If you don’t appreciate your partner and exile him, then that’s a sign of selfishness.
YOU HAVE TO TALK EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY
Communication and comprehension are necessary ingredients for a stable and healthy relationship, but so is personal space. You need to create boundaries for your personal endeavors without your partner in it. As they say, if you can’t separate them from each other, they’re not meant for each other. This also reflects the level of trust in your relationship because if you keep looking out to yourself and your insecurities overwhelm you, it means you have reservations.
FIGHTS NEED TO BE SOLVED RIGHT AWAY
Fighting is constantly present in any relationship, and its presence means there’s value in that connection (unless it’s intentional). It depends on the couple and the gravity of the fight. I agree that fights shouldn’t be brought to bed in the morning but if both sides need time to breathe and process their thoughts then I think that’s what they should do. It’s bad enough that you’re fighting, what’s worse is going over a fight but not resolving anything at all.
IT SHOULD NEVER BE BORING
Unlike romance portrayed in books and in movies, romance in real life is not fun, adventure, and happy all the time. Relationships in real life deal with problems, temptation, and uncertainty. Even couples in long-term relationships get boring days doing absolutely nothing but working their asses off to make sure to pay the bills (which I personally think is better than spending all the days thinking irresponsibly).
HIS FRIENDS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS
Don’t make another guy’s group of friends make you doubt your boyfriend’s friends. Contrary to the majority’s opinion, your boyfriend’s friends CAN be your friends. If your boyfriend is a lying cheater when he’s with his other friends but acts like an angel when with you, this implies he doesn’t even have to be with his friends for his two-faced persona to come out because he already is that way. In other words, he, himself, is the reason he makes you doubt his friends. Besides, if your partner really loves you, he’ll never second guess about cheating with another woman for you.
THE SPARK IS THE BASIS OF YOUR LOVE
Thanks to the romance movies we watch, we’re influenced to think there needs to be butterflies in our stomach every time we see our lover; and if there’s none, that means you two should break up. Teenagers even hardly understand the concept of love and the media exacerbates this harmful notion of heightened feelings equals love. That “spark” everyone’s referring to shouldn’t be the basis of how true your love is because emotions can be fickle, manipulated, and impulsive. True love is choosing to be with that person even on the most boring days because your affection for him doesn’t cease even during the most boring days.
A well-grounded relationship will eventually get better at resolving fights by taking turns in compromising as they grow. Let’s stop the notion: “If you need to work hard for it, it’s not going to last,” because we do need to work hard for who we love if we decide to stay in this relationship.
“If men could see us as we really are, they would be a little amazed; but the cleverest, the acutest men are often under an illusion about women: they do not read them in a true light: they misapprehend them, both for good and evil: their good woman is a queer thing, half doll, half angel; their bad woman almost always a fiend.”Charlotte Bronte, Shirley