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No matter how much we want to stay out of controversy and unwanted attention, somehow we always step on other people’s booby traps. We find ourselves cautious of our actions while walking along the safe road but we get dragged into other people’s mess without warning. For most of us, all we want is to do our job, possibly make a few friends between shifts, and relax during break time with a hot cup of coffee, but for some reason, we always get confronted with people who remind us we’re unlucky. Toxic people know exactly how to ruin our day.
Even in our childhood and teenage years, we’ve had a fair share of experiences with toxic people. They’re what compose our bad memories in the past. But now, more than ever, should we avoid these toxic people in our twenties as they can be the source of all distress. Unfortunately, they can be anywhere and it’s not always the right choice to avoid them especially in professional matters. We should know how to protect ourselves from their influence and learn to deal with them.
12 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU SHOULD AVOID IN YOUR TWENTIES:
Most people who have a tough past tend to carry heart made of stone. Hurt and betrayal bottle up inside them that they force themselves to believe all people are the same with the person who hurt them (because it’s easier for them to view people that way). They have a hard time trusting people because they have been significantly hurt once or twice. But revenge-seekers learn overtime that the only way to ease the pain they’re feeling is to make sure the inflictor is suffering twice as them.
Revenge-seekers will do anything to ruin your life just as much as you ruin theirs, and they get more creative as time passes by. They may be great friends to you when you haven’t done anything wrong to them but when you have, expect a bowl of hot revenge served on a silver platter. They’ll forget who you are and what you’ve been through together. Forgiveness may not come easy to them as well. Stay away from revenge seekers; almost everything that comes out of his mouth is filled with pain and apathy. Surrounding yourself with them will cause you to be vindictive, manipulative, and sadistic.
Gossipmongers are the deliverers of drama into your life. They have a complex personality — they can seem like the best friend you ever had because they seem like good listeners especially during days when you badly need someone to talk to. What you don’t know is underneath all that shoulder-to-cry-on facade, they have unpleasant intentions. They listen to all your rants and secrets, swear to keep them, and gain your trust so they have the leverage against you.
When things get hard and you end up in a fight with them, know that everything you’ve shared, including the bad times and the conversations you kept in utmost confidentiality, will be at risk of being exposed. All your stories will be twisted to their favor, and your reputation will be over in a day. Usually, gossipers are attention-seekers. They yearn for attention (to feel like they’re needed) and will do anything to get them from more people as possible even when they have to betray you.
They love to invade your privacy and make you feel guilty for not telling them updates about your life as if you’re obligated to. Often gossipmongers are present in every huge circle of friends because they’re the ones who serve fresh, juicy conversations at the table. They can tell they’re being used by other people by keeping close to others but they do it anyway to feel belonged.
They have many wide circles of friends but they are never loyal to them. What’s even worse is they can be an acquaintance you see only thrice a year or can be a very close friend. You never know to whom you’re pouring out your raw, deep, and honest emotions so you have to know a person from inside out.
When you’re around pessimists, you always feel like you’re delusional to have dreams. They laugh at your plans and doubt not only your abilities but also the system that we’re in that apparently makes you a fool for fighting for your goals that aren’t bound to happen. Even if you’re determined enough to study and learn everything from scratch, they’ll stretch the finish line and tell you it’s impossible to get what you want at that pace.
Being around pessimists not only hurts your confidence but also limits your mindset to protect itself from negative thoughts because the affirmations are slowly being replaced with fears. Instead of getting support, you’ll get insults. Instead of congratulations, you’ll get an insulting “you were lucky” speech (insisting you got success by chance and luck only). Basically, nothing you ever do will be validated by them because they think if we go out of the norm and start taking risks, we’re letting failure come into our lives.
If you want to boost your confidence in your twenties, stay away from people who preach fear in everything that they do, and drag you along with it. With pessimists, you’ll never get anything done. Every single solution you can think of will always end badly and taking risks will always be a mistake. To them, life is meant to be lived safely and followed by the rules.
You should know by now that successful people never see fear in life, they see opportunity; and that’s what separates them from the rest of the 99% of the population. Rest assured they’ve cut off all pessimists in their life, even when it’s their family. Connect with people who see the light at the end of the tunnel and not those who close their eyes in the dark and say they don’t see anything.
Envious people are worse than pessimistic people because their negativity isn’t intrinsic, it’s intentional. They deliberately don’t want to help you because they don’t want to see you succeeding. They choose not to help you with your problems to keep you poor and suffering. They always give excuses why they can’t be there for you when you need them even when there’s none. Every time they see you succeed, they do what they can to discreetly discourage you. They don’t want to see you greater than them by any stretch.
Even when they appear like an amazing friend up front, deep down they don’t want you striving for a far better place than them. As much as possible, they want to hold you back by scaring you with the possible consequences of your choices and delaying you with your plans. These are insecure people whose strategy is to be the worst friend you can ever have while feeding your energy off like a leech by pretending they’re not.
These types of people are either too spoiled as they were raised that’s why they think their privilege is a license to treat other people as their employees or too mediocre that they don’t aim for a greater mark. They come up with a silly excuse (usually a past, a totally irrelevant experience that apparently made them what they are) why they couldn’t do something just so they can pass the work to you. Beware of these types of people, they’re manipulators in sheep’s clothing.
In the worst case scenarios, they take the credit for what you did. They twist the story and make it seem like they were behind all the hard work and you were just helping out. Sloths have big dreams but have no due diligence to execute their plans, and that’s why they want other people to do their work for them. Being around sloths not only encourage laziness, mediocrity, and plagiarism, but also teach you the wrong mindset of a goal digger. You need to match your dreams with action if you want to succeed.
Everyone lies, there’s just no exception. But this type of person is on another level lies the number of times he breathes. Avoid people who constantly lie (even when there’s no possible gain from it). This type of person either lies because he doesn’t want to take accountability for a mistake, intentionally wants to stir up trouble, or doesn’t want to be labeled the bad guy.
He lies even on the smallest things and has the tendency to pass the blame to someone else. She has lots of secrets up in her hair and uses them like a bullet. She loves to make up stories like a gossiper and when confronted, she just denies it like you’re the one making a huge fuss about it.
THE VICTIM OF EVERYTHING
People who always play the victim are never satisfied. These people think that when you’re a victim, your desires will never be achieved. They see life as black and white; people like him have a fixed mindset where they’re bound to lose. You find them always complaining and whining about everything wrong in a situation. They never take accountability for their actions. They keep blaming other people or the unfairness of the system is to them. This type of person would think the world is plotting against him, and that he has no control over his life so he’d prefer mediocrity to govern his daily routine. They fail to see their role in the equation; therefore, they tend to make poor life decisions.
Usually, these are materialistic people who literally ask you for money to buy the newest bag release when they barely eat thrice a day. People-pleasers live their life seeking for approval from other people and although they’re hurt by it, they seem to do it very well. They want to show you their made-up perfect life by doing desperate actions to maintain it.
But beneath all these Instagram-worthy photos every week are the tears they cry to sleep every night, drowning in self-pity. People-pleasers also love to play it safe and stay lukewarm in situations when they need to make a stand. They’re spineless and fake. Stay away from people-pleasers as they will make your life totally contingent to taps you get on your shoulders.
Bullies have this terrible habit of embarrassing people in the guise of honesty. They put you in the spotlight and make you feel vulnerable through force. Bullies make it their goal to intimidate you for fun (because deep down they’re really just insecure, jealous, and in lack of attention). They’re always so violent verbally, physically, and emotionally. You can find them mostly everywhere and can easily recognize one out of many because their audacity to pick on someone smaller than them is humongous.
Bullies never learn their lesson until they’re dealt with someone greater than the person they think they are. When you spot a bully, stand up for yourself and don’t give them what they want. Bullies will leave you alone once they realize they can’t scare you anymore.
The needy type of person is so emotionally dependent that they get too much. They don’t know boundaries and play the victim when you get strict with drawing boundaries. They love taking advantage of your kindness. As a result, you can’t be consistent with your daily routine because you’re too busy helping out these types of people. They can’t do things on their own and always need the approval of other people. Needy people can manipulate you by keeping you under their radar and insist you to keep them first at all times. They always drag you with their problems and always want to know about your business too.
Beware of people who are so full of themselves; they suck you in their “it’s all about me” vacuum. A narcissistic person always puts on the spotlight on himself and insists the world revolves around him/her. Usually, narcissistic people are very competitive in nature because that’s how they seek for attention. They want to be seen and appreciated by being the better one when being compared. In every conversation, they want to be the one talked about always; they can’t stand when you’re praising someone else. They’re desperate external validation, and that’s why everything they do depends on the lies of society. They live for the clout and winning.
THE MASTER MANIPULATOR
There are many ways of manipulating someone but a master manipulator executes his calculated movements like a sly fox. Manipulators feed on the kind-hearted people by being kind to them first but only in a way that benefits them. They take advantage of your softness and understanding so they’re a master of feigning emotions too. They can change the color of their skin anytime and show you what they want to. If you think you can spot them right away, you’re dead wrong.
Two-faced people have different strategies for different types of people, and their interests are always to be put first. They’re willing to sacrifice some of their time and resources to exploit your weaknesses and evaluate how useful you are to them. If they think you can be of use to them in any way, they’ll hold onto you longer the more you allow them to.
When you confront them about something that makes them come forward, manipulators will backfire at you by claiming you lack trust and you’re the one in the wrong. They’re called master manipulators because they can involve other people in their plans and wrap them around their finger like it’s nothing. Manipulators cover up lie after lie and suck the remaining energy you have left in the most vindictive way possible. They’ll wait for the perfect day to betray you and you will have lost so much before you realize his/her true intentions.
HOW DO TOXIC PEOPLE AFFECT YOUR LIFE?
To put it frankly, if you don’t deliberately avoid these types of people, chances are, you’ll end up like them. Their ideas and reasoning will latch onto you and will affect your decisions on a greater scale. You’ll be the type of person you despise. In other words, you’ll hate yourself. They can affect your life in many different ways, some of which are:
Poor decision-making skills
Less genuine friends
Damaged mental health
Weak human connection
No work ethic
Diminished physical and social health
Likely to become a people-pleaser
Swallowed in fear
No peace of mind
HOW DO YOU PROTECT YOURSELF?
When a situation comes that they’ll reach to a point where they convince you to do something against your beliefs and values, tell them to stop. Don’t allow yourself to be another one of their many victims by not standing up for yourself. It’s essential that you draw boundaries with what you tolerate and what you don’t. You should be clear with your intentions and your business. Be honest with yourself and don’t make yourself guilty for doing so.
Never let them think you’re onboard with their scheme. If they get too much, confront them respectfully. Heated arguments may arise but they’re inevitable so what you should do is to go straight to the point and tell them what they need to hear because you want to help them, not to hurt them. Do not automatically resort to resentment, hate, revenge, and the like. Be the bigger person.
Stay away from these types of people as much as possible. Usually, they are broken and rotten inside. They need someone to dump their garbage on; don’t let that be you. Also, let’s not forget we can be these toxic types of people that we wish to avoid. Before pointing out a speck of dust in another man’s eye, we must look first at our own. Before doing something we might regret, let’s first respond to hate with kindness, patience, and understanding. Let us be the bigger person and not stoop to their level.
“Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.”Robert Tew