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A toxic relationship can be in any shape or form, and it can look differently for each one of us. Some may label a toxic relationship only when physical violence is involved while some may argue otherwise. Others would think a relationship becomes toxic only when cheating is involved. Regardless of how one would define and measure the degree of toxicity in a relationship, if you’re in it, you still lose one way or another. It’s hard to admit that an outsider’s opinion is true because it makes you feel stupid and naïve for not realizing you’re a victim in your relationship.
If you feel the struggle, the urge to leave (no matter how small), it implies there is a need to leave. So many men and women are clearly in toxic relationships but they don’t seem to care enough to put an end to it. They act like nothing’s wrong as if they’re used to being controlled and undervalued. If you choose to stay in a toxic relationship, you need to be prepared for long-term, drastic consequences to your health, well-being, and future.
12 REASONS YOU’RE STILL NOT LEAVING YOUR TOXIC RELATIONSHIP:
YOU’RE IN DENIAL
One possible reason you’re still not leaving your toxic relationship is that you refuse to believe that your relationship is toxic. Your thinking is: you don’t see it the way they see it (so why should you believe them?) To you, those who think badly about your relationship are jealous people who are there to break your relationship.
YOU DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE
You’re sad and scared that maybe you won’t find another relationship if you leave your current (toxic) one. For you, it’s better to have a toxic relationship (because every relationship has fights anyway) than to have none. You would rather have bad days and nights with a person who you don’t even see your future with than having no company at all.
You’re an only child and you’re parents are getting old. They keep asking you when you’re getting married because they don’t want you to die alone. Many of your friends and classmates are already moving on with their lives, getting married, and having kids. Every good news you get is killing because you’re the only one who’s single in your circle. Unfortunately, you’re pressured by the rapid pacing of life and that’s why you’re willing to stay in a relationship that isn’t willing to move forward with you as you think it would.
YOU’RE TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING
Perhaps you’re not still leaving your toxic relationship because you’re trying to prove to people that you are capable to be in a relationship. You’re trying to prove to them that you can change a bad boy into a good one through your love and caress. You prove to yourself that you deserve to be loved and leaving it is a huge mistake.
YOU THINK HE’LL STILL CHANGE
Despite the many awful things he’s done to you, you still think he’ll change. You insist that you have the power and charm to change him for the better. This belief comes from the guilt that you’re carrying in your heart. You think there’s still something you can do.
YOU HAVE A REPUTATION TO MAINTAIN
You’re known as someone kind and understanding. You don’t want to leave your toxic relationship because all your past relationships have been long, fun, and mutual. Or maybe you’ve been painted as someone who has been victimized by her past boyfriend so you don’t want to look like the bad girl. You don’t want this relationship to ruin your reputation.
YOU HAVE A FANTASY
Ever since you were a child, you wished and prayed for a dream wedding with the perfect man at a perfect time. You want to get married at this age, have kids at this age, etc. Your plan is planned out by you and you don’t want to ruin it. Additionally, you want to attend every occasion while bringing someone along to brag about with your friends.
YOU NEED SOMETHING
Your life is hanging by a thread on your own, so you need him to get through the day. You’re too dependent on him that you can’t live on your own because you still don’t love yourself enough to be in a relationship. This means that you being in a relationship comes with strings. You need his attention, his input, everything about him to forward another agendum. You can’t let him go because you’d be lost without him.
YOU THINK IT’S YOUR FAULT
You think it’s your fault why your partner is the way he is. You think you caused his misbehavior and disrespect to you and your relationship. The guilt that you’re carrying serves as your punishment for not being the “right” partner when the truth is, you’re either just brainwashed by your toxic boyfriend or succumbed in self-pity.
YOU THINK YOU’LL REGRET IT IF YOU LEFT
You’re scared that when you leave, he’ll change into the person who you were in love within the first place. If he was truly fit and right for you, you wouldn’t have to be in a position where you have to regret if you left. Your boyfriend shouldn’t be testing you. He should be kind and gentle with you.
YOU OWE HIM
Treating your relationship as a transaction where it’s a fair give-and-take agreement can be a reason why you’re still not leaving. It could be you still haven’t fulfilled your obligation to your partner or maybe you’ve wronged your partner and you staying is the price you’re trying to pay.
YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO BE THERE
It’s painful to hear when you couldn’t care less about your toxic relationship anymore because you believe this is what you deserve. The reason you’re not leaving your partner even when you’re fully aware of the red flags is that you think that’s where you belong. You don’t feel uncomfortable nor hurt at the way your partner is because you’re forcing yourself to deal with it as a way of punishing yourself.
No one should ever be in a toxic relationship for all of us deserve to love and to be loved the same way God loves us. If you find yourself always having to explain yourself whether you’re with the right man, then that’s a sign that you’re not. We all can be naïve and stupid in the name of love, but eventually, we leave what hurts us and run to what we need. Most times, when you’re in a relationship, you tend to build a wall from the outside so nobody can interfere unwelcomed. And while that’s one way to value your privacy, you shouldn’t fully close your mind to the perspective of your family and those who care for you.
Remember not to only use your heart when making decisions but also your mind. Regrets come easily to people who disregard reason and embrace pure emotion. Whether you think you love him becomes moot when real, tangible effects will show. Never lessen your worth for anybody. When you feel like you’re not jeopardizing your worth at all, that’s because you’re being manipulated and you don’t see it yet. Don’t allow anyone to disrespect and treat you like you’re any less; that’s a form of betraying yourself. You deserve nothing but the best, so love yourself enough to make the right choice.
“A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.”Michael J Herbert