12 Reasons Why You're Still Not Leaving Your Toxic Relationship

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

A toxic relationship can be in any shape or form, and it can look differently for each one of us. Some may label a toxic relationship only when physical violence is involved while some may argue otherwise. Others would think a relationship becomes toxic only when cheating is involved. Regardless of how one would define and measure the degree of toxicity in a relationship, if you’re in it, you still lose one way or another.  It’s hard to admit that an outsider’s opinion is true because it makes you feel stupid and naïve for not realizing you’re a victim in your relationship.

If you feel the struggle, the urge to leave (no matter how small), it implies there is a need to leave. So many men and women are clearly in toxic relationships but they don’t seem to care enough to put an end to it. They act like nothing’s wrong as if they’re used to being controlled and undervalued. If you choose to stay in a toxic relationship, you need to be prepared for long-term, drastic consequences to your health, well-being, and future. 






One possible reason you’re still not leaving your toxic relationship is that you refuse to believe that your relationship is toxic. Your thinking is: you don’t see it the way they see it (so why should you believe them?) To you, those who think badly about your relationship are jealous people who are there to break your relationship. 




You’re sad and scared that maybe you won’t find another relationship if you leave your current (toxic) one. For you, it’s better to have a toxic relationship (because every relationship has fights anyway) than to have none. You would rather have bad days and nights with a person who you don’t even see your future with than having no company at all. 




You’re an only child and you’re parents are getting old. They keep asking you when you’re getting married because they don’t want you to die alone. Many of your friends and classmates are already moving on with their lives, getting married, and having kids. Every good news you get is killing because you’re the only one who’s single in your circle. Unfortunately, you’re pressured by the rapid pacing of life and that’s why you’re willing to stay in a relationship that isn’t willing to move forward with you as you think it would. 




Perhaps you’re not still leaving your toxic relationship because you’re trying to prove to people that you are capable to be in a relationship. You’re trying to prove to them that you can change a bad boy into a good one through your love and caress. You prove to yourself that you deserve to be loved and leaving it is a huge mistake. 




Despite the many awful things he’s done to you, you still think he’ll change. You insist that you have the power and charm to change him for the better. This belief comes from the guilt that you’re carrying in your heart.  You think there’s still something you can do. 




You’re known as someone kind and understanding. You don’t want to leave your toxic relationship because all your past relationships have been long, fun, and mutual. Or maybe you’ve been painted as someone who has been victimized by her past boyfriend so you don’t want to look like the bad girl. You don’t want this relationship to ruin your reputation. 




Ever since you were a child, you wished and prayed for a dream wedding with the perfect man at a perfect time. You want to get married at this age, have kids at this age, etc. Your plan is planned out by you and you don’t want to ruin it. Additionally, you want to attend every occasion while bringing someone along to brag about with your friends. 




Your life is hanging by a thread on your own, so you need him to get through the day. You’re too dependent on him that you can’t live on your own because you still don’t love yourself enough to be in a relationship. This means that you being in a relationship comes with strings. You need his attention, his input, everything about him to forward another agendum. You can’t let him go because you’d be lost without him. 




You think it’s your fault why your partner is the way he is. You think you caused his misbehavior and disrespect to you and your relationship. The guilt that you’re carrying serves as your punishment for not being the “right” partner when the truth is, you’re either just brainwashed by your toxic boyfriend or succumbed in self-pity. 




You’re scared that when you leave, he’ll change into the person who you were in love within the first place. If he was truly fit and right for you, you wouldn’t have to be in a position where you have to regret if you left. Your boyfriend shouldn’t be testing you. He should be kind and gentle with you. 




Treating your relationship as a transaction where it’s a fair give-and-take agreement can be a reason why you’re still not leaving. It could be you still haven’t fulfilled your obligation to your partner or maybe you’ve wronged your partner and you staying is the price you’re trying to pay. 




It’s painful to hear when you couldn’t care less about your toxic relationship anymore because you believe this is what you deserve. The reason you’re not leaving your partner even when you’re fully aware of the red flags is that you think that’s where you belong. You don’t feel uncomfortable nor hurt at the way your partner is because you’re forcing yourself to deal with it as a way of punishing yourself. 




No one should ever be in a toxic relationship for all of us deserve to love and to be loved the same way God loves us. If you find yourself always having to explain yourself whether you’re with the right man, then that’s a sign that you’re not. We all can be naïve and stupid in the name of love, but eventually, we leave what hurts us and run to what we need. Most times, when you’re in a relationship, you tend to build a wall from the outside so nobody can interfere unwelcomed. And while that’s one way to value your privacy, you shouldn’t fully close your mind to the perspective of your family and those who care for you.

Remember not to only use your heart when making decisions but also your mind. Regrets come easily to people who disregard reason and embrace pure emotion. Whether you think you love him becomes moot when real, tangible effects will show. Never lessen your worth for anybody. When you feel like you’re not jeopardizing your worth at all, that’s because you’re being manipulated and you don’t see it yet. Don’t allow anyone to disrespect and treat you like you’re any less; that’s a form of betraying yourself. You deserve nothing but the best, so love yourself enough to make the right choice. 

“A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.”

Michael J Herbert

Published by Monique Renegado

Monique started Life Begins At Twenty as a 20-year-old college student from the Philippines. In her lifestyle and wellness blog, she shares first-hand experiences and soulful advice about student life, relationships, mental health, adulting, and self-growth. Monique is passionate about literature, music, public speaking, and family. Besides studying and blogging full-time, she strives hard to become a published author with her first YA fiction novel and poems. Monique is the older sister you wish you had to help you navigate your twenties successfully. If you want a constant drive for motivation and pep talks, be a part of her journey.

20 thoughts on “12 Reasons Why You're Still Not Leaving Your Toxic Relationship

  1. Great post! I got stuck in a toxic relationship for years because he owned the car I drove to work every day and was afraid if I ended things, I’d be left without transportation to and from my job. I finally was able to get a car of my own and end things, but i did tell myself many mornings that I deserved a bad relationship because I so screwed up my 20s. I’m writing to process all of my feelings, learning that I need to change the way I date men. Thank you!


  2. This was such an interesting read! I had the luck to never be in a. toxic relationship, but had many experiences of toxic friendships, where I stayed because I thought it was my fault or something would improve. As you said though, we shouldn't let anyone treat us unfairly. Thanks for sharing x


  3. Really nice post. I love the images you used and the quote at the end. The reasons are something I know a lot of people stay in toxic relationship for. Anita x niannilifestyleblog


  4. In denial ako hahaha 😂😂 I know Naman na napakatoxic ng relationship namin pero diko alam Kung bakit ayaw ko paring bumitaw LOL 😂😂😂 Kung sa Ibang tao sapat ng basehan Yung three times na nagloko Ang jowa para majustify Ang gagawin break up pero asking Hindi ehh, kagaya ng sinulat mo “naniniwala parin ako na magbago siya” 😅😅😅 Sana nga


  5. Wow, your story is inspiring! I understand that situation where you're compromised with what you're used to. Thankfully, you've got it over with! Acceptance and willingness to move on are present! You're doing great.


  6. I've been in toxic relationships before and this is spot on! It's not just romantic relationships but with family and friends too. Guilt plays such a big part. Thanks for the reminders. Andreahttps://acaponeconnection.com


  7. I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist couple years back and I can sign most of these reasons. It's amazing how badly someone can twist your mind to finding the most elaborate and high-flying excuses to stay in a situation that makes you miserable and literally tears you apart. We humans are so weird 😀 Great post, food for thought!Teresa Maria | Outlandish Blog


  8. I've found myself in a couple of toxic relationships, and even wrote an article about being a male victim of female abuse. For me, I think it's the belief that they'll change if you give them enough time that kept me in those situations far longer than I should haveUnwanted Life | https://UnwantedLife.Me


  9. This was so interesting to read! I hope it'll help anyone who's experienced being in a toxic relationship – it's definitely given me some food for thought!


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