Why Should You Stop Figuring Out Your Life in Your Twenties?

Photo by 胡 卓亨 from Unsplash

For years, people have been looking for ways on how to figure out life. It’s funny when they underestimate life like it’s something stagnant or linear. Attempting to predict the ways and twists of life is like learning how to walk on water. Life, as we know it, is unpredictable and frightening. We don’t know what’s coming and we never know what’s going to be taken from us. We can have the best day of our life today, and when tomorrow comes, everything that was once fun swiftly turns into a memory of the past.

Some people don’t want to live this way; they want to be in control of everything they say or do, and even the future. They want to know the secret behind the uncertainty of life, or maybe drink a potion that will help them become immune to life’s unlikely surprises. Simply put, what they want to know is how to figure out life in the back of their hands. is Some people believe that to figure out life, it’s best not to do anything to avoid making mistakes. When you reach your twenties, you feel this insurmountable urge to get your life together dramatically in a short time.

You act like you’ve done nothing significant in your life to an extent that you pressure yourself too much into living your best life as quickly as possible. You feel like you need to have all the answers to your questions so you will come out ready and prepared to conquer life. Thinking you can have it all sorted out at a young age is a hard pill to swallow. Many don’t want to accept the truth that life being a continuing, life-long learning process. Unless they accept this reality, they would be stuck in a never-ending cycle of anxiety and negativity. 




If you make it a habit to ruminate even the simplest things, you end up not accomplishing anything at all. For most people, figuring out life means confidently knowing what to do and where to go in every possible situation. It means being mentally and emotionally aware of all the scenarios known to man. We feel the need to figure out our lives by not having to fail and make mistakes (because everything we do is right and risk-free).

You should stop figuring out your life because it’s not supposed to be figured out by being alone and not doing anything. A life without any risk is a life not worth living. The only way for you to successfully attempt figuring out life is to try it for yourself. Whether you make mistakes along the way is all part of the process. When you get stuck at a crossroads, it may not feel like you’re figuring out your life because you’re in so much fear and distress. But if you look at the bigger picture, you’re in the transition phase of molding and honing your character as an individual.

When you’re in the most uncomfortable situation, that means you’re at the pedestal of finding your true self and truly knowing who you are. If your way of figuring out your life is sitting inside your room and contemplating (but not doing anything), then you’re doing the opposite. The more you overthink every decision, the deeper you are in the analysis paralysis stage. As a result, you don’t move forward leading to your goals in life. 




Thinking you would have your life figured out when you achieve certain things is an illusion. No achievement can save you from your problems. No success can guarantee happiness for all your life. Just because you got accepted into your dream school, that doesn’t mean you have your life figured out. Just because you’re moving to a different city, that doesn’t mean your life will be a bed of roses.

As long as there are problems, life will never make sense. There will still be things beyond your control. Your achievements are only milestones to help you navigate through life, but they don’t necessarily make life any ‘better.’ Nowadays, the problem is trying so hard to figure out your life by using your achievements as a façade for a ‘happy and accomplished’ life. Don’t make your successes define your worth because soon enough, that feeling of validation will fade away, and soon will your worth.

When you don’t feel satisfied with your achievements anymore, you will go back to that depressing cycle of not feeling good enough. You realize that you now have the security and easy access to a better life right at your fingertips, but you don’t feel any closer to figuring out your life. This is because paying off your credit card debt or reaching a certain number of followers doesn’t necessarily change anything. Life always continues to go on, and it’s up to you and how you carry your disposition to hold on and ride against the waves. 


You might like: 7 Powerful Questions to Find Out What You Want to Do With Your Life from Lifehack







When you get to your twenties, you often compare yourself with your peers as a form of needing validation. You compare your skills, upbringing, hobbies, and possessions to others’ as a way of measuring whether your life is better or worse than theirs according to your level of perception. This behavior is a toxic and unhealthy practice you should stop doing right now. You can easily enable this negative mindset by letting social media control you.

It’s very important to be aware of how much time you dedicate to using gadgets. Don’t allow the media to fool you into thinking your life will get easier if you imitate another famous person’s way of living. Comparing your journey to others diminishes the value of your life because you would appreciate your life even less. Your life isn’t any less valuable just because others seem to have it all figured out in their lives. Their lives look like they have it all under control because they stick to a habit and perform it diligently. 




Thinking you can figure out life is ridiculous. The reason you have this need to have your life figured out is you want to test the waters before dipping in. As much as possible, you want to be sure of the odds before taking a risk. This isn’t the favorable attitude towards success because your reasons for doing something are all coming from fear.

When all you do is sit in your room while constantly worrying about the next steps of your life, you will eventually lead to the point of dismay. Worrying doesn’t solve anything; it just adds fear into your mind. The majority of your fears isn’t going to happen, but it has already cost your mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s okay not to have it all figured out yet; you will discover more about life through your experiences.

Remember that you will never know everything all at once. Life isn’t meant to be figured out; it’s meant to be lived. To understand life, you need to experience the good and bad it has to offer. Take action, chase your dreams, and endure suffering. You have to examine yourself by making mistakes along the way and eventually find your purpose in the long run. 




Our future is never going to reveal itself to us until we make steps that take us closer to it. For most of us, the idea of the future paralyzes us in making decisions because of fear of making the wrong choice. This mind-numbing fear not only slows us down but also derails us from the direction we want to go. You’re never going to be fully certain whether one choice is a good or bad one because nobody can foresee the future.

Stop worrying about what your future holds and start living in the present. Change your life right now by believing that you have the power to. Believe in your abilities by not squandering them because of fear. The key to figuring out your life is to live life with intention, with a purpose. In your twenties, you often feel like a failure because you see other people (seemingly) living their best lives on social media. You start comparing your goals to theirs, forgetting that there’s no sense in pitting two unique journeys against one another.

Looking at them through the screen, you think you would never achieve that level of fame, security, and happiness in your lifetime. You hate that you think so negatively about yourself but dwelling in that kind of mindset makes you believe in it more. Eventually, your habits and patterns of behavior will follow, manifesting your negative thoughts in your real life. 




People pursue different things in life for different reasons, but not all of these reasons are the right ones. Some people pursue a career because of their parents while some leave a high-paying job because one of their friends told them another company is better. Regardless, make sure every choice you make is your own. It may end up not the way you planned but at least for once, you followed your instinct and took accountability for it.

Growth is never linear, and it takes experiencing small or huge mistakes to figure out the unexpected twists and turns. Life is meant to be lived authentically based on your unique perspective. You can’t begin to figure out your life by making decisions according to other people’s opinions and expectations (no matter who they are).

You need to live your life through exploration and learning. Get out there and show the world what you can do. Start small steps consistently, and little by little, you will see progress. You don’t have to follow what others are doing to be productive. You can make up an entirely new routine that caters to your needs and goals. 




We become so obsessed with making our lives look easy and happy at the surface. As we give in to this notion of covering up what society considers flaws, the farther we are from ever becoming truly happy. The more you try to pretend like you’ve got it all figured out, the more it’s going to show otherwise.

What nobody tells you is no one in this world truly knows what they’re doing in life, let alone being in control of it. In other words, don’t be too hard on yourself for not making it in life yet. Don’t be fooled by how people present themselves on social media. It’s their way of masquerading their emotions and state of mind. It’s their strategy to feel confident in themselves even when they’re not.

If you choose to go down this route, it’s going to be hard to keep pretending as you have it together, so why don’t you accept the reality that you will never truly figure out life while you’re still in the progress of living life? Spare yourself the confusion by simply experiencing life in its rawness. 




“We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”

T.S. Elliot

Published by Monique Renegado

Monique started Life Begins At Twenty as a 20-year-old college student from the Philippines. In her lifestyle and wellness blog, she shares first-hand experiences and soulful advice about student life, relationships, mental health, adulting, and self-growth. Monique is passionate about literature, music, public speaking, and family. Besides studying and blogging full-time, she strives hard to become a published author with her first YA fiction novel and poems. Monique is the older sister you wish you had to help you navigate your twenties successfully. If you want a constant drive for motivation and pep talks, be a part of her journey.

11 thoughts on “Why Should You Stop Figuring Out Your Life in Your Twenties?

  1. You've included so much helpful advice. Our twenties should definitely be more about having fun and experiencing new things than trying to get our life sorted.


  2. All sound advice, I just wish I was able to do them. I still compare myself to others as I've been stuck for so long waiting to get my health sorted out, I have no faith in myself, and I don't know how I can do something worth while if I can't stabilise my health issues first, sigh


  3. Such a great article! You never fully have life figured out as you change, and circumstances change and the world changes. Giulia, tidbitsofcare.com


  4. I love this post so much! That is so true that you can't have everything fully figured out yet since you change as well as the world! Thanks so much for sharing!


  5. Love this post! There is always so much pressure in your 20's isn't there?!I don't think you ever truly have your life together, whatever age you are. There is so much variables and change that can change your life course, so best going with the flow and see where life takes you!Great tips!Aimsy xoxoAimsy’s Antics


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