Photo by Elisa Ph. from Unsplash
A lot of people don’t live their lives to the fullest because they let other people’s opinions get to them. It’s such a shame to put your life to waste because of your inability to allow be comfortable with your insecurities. Everybody deals with self-doubt in his own way, but successful people deal with inadequacy quicker and smarter. They don’t rely on other people to make themselves feel better; they do it on their own.
Your twenties is a fantastic time to commit yourself to a long, brutally honest introspection and self-awareness. Some people are lucky enough to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives while some still get stuck in the discovery phase. But regardless of what phase you’re in, you won’t be able to move forward to the next level if you let your insecurities cripple you. The truth is, everybody feels insecure. These insecurities grow bigger in number and intensity as you get more successful. When you’re in the spotlight, you’re targeted with scrutiny and criticism which makes you more vulnerable.
People deal with their insecurities differently. Some get rid of them, some conceal them, and some learn to genuinely accept them. If you choose to fix your insecurities, you need to know whether these are unnecessary flaws that you can let go of. Most people make the mistake of changing a natural part of themselves as their way of dealing with what they considered as flaws. On the other hand, some choose to conceal them which is a harder choice to go with. Hiding your insecurities is like fooling yourself by creating an illusion about your personality.
On the other hand, when you put your insecurities out of sight, you’re denying their existence or putting other unique parts of your being to shame. The tough challenge about concealing your insecurities is there are people in your life who know exactly how to get to you, who know how to hit you where it hurts the most. Unfortunately, these people can be the same ones we call family and friends.
Unless you cut the people who take advantage of your weaknesses, you can’t successfully conceal your insecurities in the long term. Lastly, few people choose to come to terms with their insecurities. These are the people who have grown welcoming with what society sees as flaws and weaknesses. Although difficult, they found a way to be confident in their skin.
5 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU FEEL INSECURE TO FEEL BETTER:
SOMEONE ELSE’S SUCCESS DOESN’T MAKE YOURS MEAN ANY LESS
The notion of success is the most sought out standard that describes a fulfilled life. In your twenties, you can’t escape the immense pressure to reach some form of success, whether personal growth, relationship, business, education is concerned. Some people conform to society’s version of an accomplished person while some don’t. For the latter, society will continually judge them for living their life according to their terms of what success is because they can’t do the same.
When you’re stuck in this arbitrary competition in your head, you’re on the road to self-sabotage. Even worse, being on the wrong side of social media reminds you of this feeling of worthlessness and doubt. Whenever you think about pursuing this career path and changing your life for the better, it’s the same kind of fear that pays a visit and criticizes you again. When you get so drawn to the cycle of negativity and fear, no dream, no matter how big, can take you out of that rut. You become a person whose light has run out because you chose to break all the matches.
You become blind to your capabilities because the mind is your enemy. Whenever you feel insecure about another person’s success, remember that your success doesn’t lose its value even when others’ accomplishments are more or less on the same level as yours. Just because you’re taking a long time in a specific area doesn’t mean you’ll take longer with others. Just because some have been celebrating non-stop for their success doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate yours.
Keep in mind you have your own journey, your own path to walk on; it’s never going to be at the same pace as others. There’s no reason to be insecure because you are working hard too. You are waking up every day and showing up to your commitments even when you can choose not to. That’s desire and persistence right there—and you will be rewarded for that grit in due time.
KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DO BEST
To prevent yourself from falling back into your insecurities, keep your head in the game. Gain truthful awareness of your skills and talents and hone them as best you can. Keep doing what you do best because no one can do it like you. Focusing on what you do best develops your concentration and attitude more on your strengths and less on your weaknesses. When you figure out a way to use up your energy in the right place, you will look forward to amazing results sooner than expected.
Know that you are still young and vulnerable; there is still a lot of opportunities in your way. Sometimes, when you’re still unsure about how you want to create your future, you start to question your abilities, your worth, and your past choices. Seeing others know exactly what they want to become while they’re young can make anyone feel insecure about themselves.
You are free to ponder on your life’s purpose but remember there is a certain time in your life when it’s smarter to narrow down your interests and invest in something profitable or beneficial. Once you find that one thing you’re good at, build an empire around it and see yourself grow. Mastering a skill is a lifelong commitment but it will surely pay off if you dedicated your whole life to flourish it.
Remember that you’re not expected to be perfect to succeed in life, but you must be relentless in your pursuit of achieving your goals as an imperfect person. Even during days when you don’t feel like doing the same routines, always strive to make the most out of every opportunity. This means making sure you have done at least one thing productive relating to your growth every day. Your insecurities shouldn’t be standing in the way.
EVERYONE IS STRUGGLING IN SOME WAY
When you feel inadequate because you think others have it easier in life, keep in mind that this perception is merely a product of what you see on the outside. The truth is, everyone is struggling in some way no matter how perfect you think he/she is. Take this as a reminder that your insecurities may not even be real.
The features you see as flaws may just be a poor mentality resulting from a lack of focus. You keep on watching what other people are doing that you have mistaken your unique attributes as quirky or unattractive. You’ve been engulfed by the idea of following a certain pattern of lifestyle or a public image because you don’t appreciate yourself enough. Whatever you’re insecure about, you can change how you perceive it. Remember that no human intrinsically hates himself. Your flaws are created by other people’s perceptions of them. You have to change the paradigm.
What you think of others may not be true because you never truly understand a person’s point of view unless you’re in his shoes. Sure, some may come from more privileged positions in life, but no material possession can fix what’s broken inside. The more you pretend to be perfect and ideal, the more your self-doubt exposes itself. As Gary Vaynerchuk would say:
“Perfection is the disguise of insecurity.”
Every one of us is struggling in particular facets of our lives, but it doesn’t make us any weaker. Others are simply good at concealing it. The next time you feel insecure, remember that your mind is powerful enough to raise you and pull you down. The information you consume every day takes a toll on your mental health, and it will hugely manifest in your actions.
ENVISION YOUR BEST SELF
When self-doubt kicks in, train your mind to embody the traits and habits of a person you characterize as your best self. If you truly believe you have what it takes to become your best self, then you are already her. It’s a matter of real confidence in what you can do, and how you don’t have to pretend as someone else to be ready.
Commit to the person you’re striving to become in the future by believing in your vision. Practice discipline in your daily habits and choices in a way that everything you do is helping you create your ideal future. When you keep your focus on bettering your chances of achieving your dreams, you spend no time absorbing negativity from other people.
Oftentimes, you feel insecure because others are intentionally triggering your insecurities. People will rain down on your parade. People will throw rocks at you just so you won’t feel confident anymore. That’s reality— you can’t force others to act according to your liking. The sooner you accept this, the more you get to keep the peace in your life. Remember that no one else’s opinion about you matters. They’re not living your life, so why would you let them talk down on your decisions? Don’t allow their projection of hate on you to stop you from becoming the best version of yourself.
NOTHING BLOOMS ALL YEAR
Nobody ever said the road to achieving your goals is simple. It’s a long, difficult way ahead, with stumbling blocks in between. At many points of your life, you’re going to feel like you’ve been doing all the hard work without results coming. You’re going to feel discouraged by the low return on investment for the all-nighters you pulled. Notice how things in nature have their specific period for planting and harvesting. They bloom in their season.
It’s the same way with humans who need time for hustling, resting, and blooming. But remember that you don’t eat the fruit on the same day you plant it. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have good and bad days. Your lowest points won’t last forever, and neither will your good days. Be open to change because staying the same is not the best option. It’s okay to not feel motivated and it’s okay to not be as productive as you were yesterday.
There’s no need to beat yourself up for not making the progress you expect. Life is messy and unpredictable; just showing up is already a big achievement. If you choose to work hard and stay consistent with your goal-oriented line of thinking, you will see results. You will reap the fruits of your labor, and it would be even greater than you anticipated.
When you feel insecure, remember that building confidence is a journey. It takes time to love yourself, to see past your scars and mistakes. But it won’t help if you keep tearing apart any form or progress of growth. It’s not enough to want to be confident, you have to apply it in your life by seizing once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.
If you still feel like you’re starting back to zero despite the many accomplishments you made, perhaps you’re the one making and fueling insecurities. Maybe you spend way too much time comparing your life with others (and you don’t even notice it). Maybe you don’t notice how blessed you are because you keep looking at what others have that you don’t.
Doing these harmful habits is one way to let the inner critic get the best of you. Improve your self-esteem by reminding yourself of your accomplishments and everything you did right. It’s hard to do this when the only success you see is everyone but yours.
“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”Timothy Ferriss