An Open Letter to Someone Who's Exhausted But Is Still Trying

Photo by Liza Summer from Pexels

There are varied definitions of strength but one of its most overlooked types is the strength to keep trying. This type of vigor is invisible to the naked eye but is felt through the heart. I know many people who are hanging by a thread, getting by in life, and hiding behind their seemingly perfect social media profiles. Usually, the people who love to make everyone laugh in the room are those who have it the hardest in life. These happy-go-lucky people have a positive disposition, and that’s why it’s easier for them to use humor to avoid vulnerability.

People like these struggle with managing their emotions, so they do anything they can to not be in a place of weakness. They don’t want to confront their fears and insecurities, so they mask their hurt by pretending there’s nothing wrong. Usually, they try to make everyone feel better in an attempt to cover up their sadness. It’s not fun to be in a position where you have to constantly fake your happiness just to fit in. Life is too short to not be honest with yourself completely. I understand how upsetting it can be to have your actions limited and judged all the time.

Undoubtedly, it’s exhausting to play different roles with different people. If you’re struggling with this, know that you don’t have to carry this burden. The fact that you are keeping your chin up despite the anger and frustration is such a brave thing for you to do. The chances of you clicking this blog might be because you know someone who needs to read this letter or you’re wishing somebody would’ve sent this to you before finding it yourself. Either way, you stumbled across this blog for a reason. Give it a read and you may have the inspiration you need to alleviate your situation.

To the person who has endured all the ill-treatment and unfair judgments…

I understand if you want to break down. I’m no stranger to having my intentions and opinions misconstrued. I know the angry feeling of allowing somebody to take my point the wrong way and guilt-tripping me into something completely for from what I intended. Nevertheless, I let it slide because they said it’s disrespectful to correct adults. I let it slide because they can think whatever they want and nothing I say will change that unless they want to. I let it slide because somehow I’ve accepted that I’ll always be one to be misinterpreted and condemned for their misreading me. So, yes, I know how you feel. The frustration takes hours, even a couple of days, to hose down. 

It’s no fun having to defend yourself all the time for the fear that someone might put your words in your mouth. You would feel the need to isolate yourself and somehow want to punish yourself for messing up and saying the wrong thing. You stay up at night criticizing yourself for not knowing how to translate your emotions and explain to them in a way they understand. You tell yourself lies like how you never say or do anything right after screaming into a pillow. I definitely understand where you’re coming from. Even in my twenties where I’m getting better at communicating, I still experience this. I’m here to tell you it’s normal to get into disagreements.

But don’t lose hope, there is still a way to alleviate your situation. You have the choice to put yourself in a position where you’re free to express your deepest desires without your messages being altered. One solution is to set specific boundaries with what behavior you’re okay with and what you can’t tolerate. Being picky with the people you choose to associate with can help prevent your words from being misinterpreted. When you hang out with someone you’re familiar with, you understand their personality and behavior more than with someone you barely met. 

To the person who has never felt the same level of kindness, energy, patience, and trust she gives…

Huge praise to you who still puts on a smile despite everything you’ve been through.  It’s frustrating when people don’t exercise the same degree of patience and understanding to you when you do the same to them. Plus, it’s not easy to be in a position where you keep giving and not receiving anything at all. I know how hard it feels to be on the receiving end of every insult, outburst, tantrum, or emotional turmoil.

Like a sponge, you absorb the negative energy from those around you without anyone to share the burden with. You have been nothing but responsible and mature when others failed to be accountable for their actions. Your pride has been stepped on many times now, yet you remain strong, resilient, and loyal. You haven’t experienced what it really feels like to be appreciated the way you do, but you have a good heart. You understand how to manage your and other people’s emotions more than anyone.

Your emotional intelligence is an admirable quality about you that some don’t seem to notice. Ironically, the only time they notice your existence is when you stand up for yourself. When you decide to set boundaries and say no, they get mad because they can no longer benefit from your kindness. Props to you for always being the bigger person. It takes a lot of practice to be slow to anger. Every time you try to talk about your feelings, they make you feel bad for whining. Not many people can do what you do and that’s what makes you special.

I’m proud of how far you’ve come considering this kind of treatment is what you receive every single day. I’m happy that you continue to inspire others to be compassionate and generous. People don’t know how wonderful of a blessing you are. You shouldn’t have to feel unworthy just because they can’t see your value. Only when you speak up will they start to respect you. Know that it’s okay to voice out your opinions if you don’t feel appreciated. 

To the person who has taken every possible insult and negative criticism to be thrown at her for trying…

Rejection is never simple. There’s nothing more aggravating than putting a lot of effort into something and not getting the ROI you expect. Unfortunately, your efforts, no matter how huge, are not a guarantee for success. To be at a place where you’re not only criticized but also discouraged for even trying is scathing. I see your struggle.

I admire your pursuit of greatness despite the haters coming at you. I know the first question you usually ask yourself is this: “Why is it easier to believe you failed than to believe you succeeded?” It’s because you’re thinking so low about yourself—that you sabotage any potential chance of you succeeding. Please stop doing this to yourself. Your self-esteem shouldn’t exist contingent on your achievements. 

I also know that feeling when someone critiques you about something you’re really good at and you barely resist the urge not to react negatively. You’re thinking of many, creative ways to prove a point and make fun of this person for doubting you. But on second thought, you realize you’re not credible or worthy enough to respond cleverly because you haven’t won any reputable competition to back you up. 

 

It’s upsetting to be in this position where you constantly doubt your skills and capabilities. You don’t know what you really want or where you’re really headed. The worst part is, every hesitation you have comes from other people’s opinions of you. It’s sad when you have no self-awareness and sense of conviction that you literally can’t love yourself without asking for external validation. Remember to never say never.

 

Even if you have said a hundred times in the past that this attempt is the last one you’ll ever make, here I am telling you to not listen to yourself. Every time you feel like a failure and you don’t want to do anything, your mind starts spitting lies. It sneaks up on you and takes away your ability to see your potential. When you’re on the precipice of giving up, that’s when the reason to hold on comes.

 

When you’re on the brink of throwing away everything you’ve built and grown, that’s when you receive the biggest blessing of your life. Life is unpredictable. You may be tired today, but don’t bring that energy tomorrow. Stop blowing things out of proportion because of a few setbacks.

 

I’m telling you that’s a huge, irreversible mistake that you never want to do. Never let your emotions decide what your future is going to be. Remember that criticisms aren’t meant to be taken personally but as a hard way to improve. Be smart when making a comeback and that includes separating your temporary feelings from making rational and practical decisions.

To the person whose efforts and sacrifices remain unseen, unacknowledged, and undermined…

Sadly, the most appreciative people are usually the ones who are left unappreciated. It’s like being that one friend who shows up in her friends’ miserable days but never the one whom others call. It sucks when you have the purest intentions to do something but get misconstrued and undermined. It’s also disheartening when your outstanding efforts and accomplishments are taken credit from you. 

All of these negative situations accumulate and take a toll on your emotional and mental health. This happens quite often and you feel so lonely. It’s not easy to silence your fears alone, without anyone knowing or comforting you. It’s frustrating when the stress is only getting worse by the minute and no one is there to even ask how you’re doing. I’m here to tell you that I see you. I notice the small things and sacrifices you do behind the spotlight.

I’m happy for all the work that you do that is invisible to them, and that you should give yourself permission to celebrate your efforts without their validation. You don’t need to measure your achievements by how loud the applause is and by how heartwarming the speech is. People, for various reasons, cannot appreciate your work more than you do—and they don’t have to. 

I’m truly proud of the person you become through the sleepless nights and silent crying that molded you to earn a higher degree of strength. You’ve been taken for granted countless times by your family, peers, colleagues, friends—but you remain true to your work ethic and service.

I don’t know how you manage to wake up and still give the same amount of respect and generosity to the people around you, but that’s very ardent of you. Whether you’re a breadwinner, a single mother/father, the eldest sibling, or the youngest among the family, I see your struggle to make the lives of those around you better than yours. 

To the person who feels tomorrow is yet another day to prolong the ongoing pain in her life…

Experiencing pain in life is inescapable because life is pain. By the time you accept that, you stop expecting your days to be full of rainbows and happy endings. And your expectations can no longer unsettle your goals, priorities, and peace of mind. However, being constantly scared of what tomorrow may bring is not normal. No one should ever feel like life only breeds suffering and hurt.

If you feel alone, remember that you’re not the only one with chips on both her shoulders, so don’t be scared to ask for help. Reach out to people you trust with whom you can fully express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. It may seem hard to believe, but there are still good people in this world. Don’t let a few terrible and afflicted people tarnish your perception of life. They became that way because they were hurt as well.

However, instead of prevailing kindness, they chose to criticize than to be criticized. When people demonstrate their negativity towards you, it means whatever is inside is already too much to bear. It’s either they wanted to let it out or they’ve grown desensitized to cruelty. Don’t allow them to turn your heart into stone, or worse, like theirs. You may have been exposed to much trauma and anxiety, but you don’t have to be like them.

To protect yourself from the evils of the world, you need to foster altruism and empathy for those around you. These little acts of generosity, in the long run, can influence others to do the same. Your benevolence will save another person from turning into his worst fears and from infecting others with the cancer of hatred. Always try to see the good in the bad; life is not purely terrible. If you look at it in another way, you will see that life also has its fair share of happiness, excitement, and wonder. 

FINAL MESSAGE: 

In case anyone hasn’t told you, you are brave and sympathetic. You’ve been through a lot mentally and emotionally, yet you’re still considerate about other people’s feelings. You’re doing a fantastic job balancing everything else, so remember to be kind to yourself. Despite what anybody says, let me remind you that you’re talented and imaginative.

You have been doing so well and productive in your career and self-discovery. Your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s perceptions of you, no matter how highly you look up to him/her. Your capabilities don’t diminish because some people can’t comprehend your value. Don’t allow the people who fail to see your worth to turn your heart cold.

They’re intimidated by your ability to love, to be patient, and to be grateful even when the circumstances aren’t perfect. They’re waiting to see you break and give up because that’s what satisfies jealous people. They take you for granted because you’re so full of kindness. They fail to treat you as you deserve because they couldn’t believe how strong and resilient you are.

In circumstances when you feel unworthy, remember that you have done everything you can to serve a purpose to them even without reciprocation. You’re not the one who needs to do more; it’s them. When you feel tired, learn to rest and never to quit. Learn to balance work and leisure, so you can grow an empire while still live long enough to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

You owe it to yourself to pursue your passion, your ambition. Never let your doubters and oppressors win. Don’t stop being a blessing to others just because you were treated like a curse. Learn to say no and prioritize yourself. You are important too. One day, by the time they realize your worth, you would be thriving.

You would be so farther ahead from them, yet they would still be in the same place as before because they don’t know how to appreciate what they have. When that day comes, they will rue the day and you will go places. In the end, you will be rewarded. In the end, all your sacrifices will pay off. 

“Sometimes you don’t realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness.”

Susan Gale